So I was a-walking and listening to my head-phones. But I had to untangle my head-phones or something. I’m not sure the exact reason I had them off in area I really don’t like to have head-phones off.
There was a black woman walking in front of me with a little black girl. At first glance I guessed the girls age to be 11 because she seemed rather tall. At second glance, I guessed 9 because she seemed to have not started to develop at all.
As much as I was making an effort to block the world out, I none the less got a big chocolately-treat of “We wuz Queenz“. The woman let out a big and scary belly voice to the young girl, “Your m******* f****** s****** p******** whining!!!!!!”
I’m not exactly sure what the mother said because it shocked me so much and was so vile and held a physical threat for the high crime of whining.
(The woman who made this video is clearly of the talented tenth. She's very cute and creative and I am sure is a good mother.)
I knew the voice. I have it within me. I think I’ve used it like 3 times. I don’t know for sure. The only time I know for sure, Is when I was leaving my local Bodega and some 6’4″ (cracker) meth-head followed me out and was fussing at me about allegedly stealing some shiny doo-dad that he owned. I had no idea what he was talking about. The very kind owners of the store, that always look out for me, had one of their mega-sized-sons follow him out and seemed very shocked when out of my body came that very animalistic voice bellowing: “You Back the f^ck up Right now!”
I thought my life was in danger at the time. I have to admit it was kind of fun to see even the store owner’s giant son flinch in surprise at my monster voice. They’re always on about how sweet I am and think I can’t take care of myself.
It’s a voice I’ve never used with someone I know. It’s a voice that neither of my parents ever used with me. It’s a voice I’ve never seen my friends parents use with them. I’m not even sure I’ve used it out of that time that Jimmy-Tweaker-Stewart was coming at me.
But this little girl was getting that voice used on her for whining. It’s doubtful that she even did that. Whining. I observed the mother or grandmother, who knows? She was petite and fashionably dressed.
If the ever-nurturing amazing vagina-owner had not been so vicious to the child in her care, I wouldn’t have stumbled over my head-phones so much while feeling absolutely sick and confused over what I was witnessing,
The little girl met my eye as they were going into their courtyard and Ms Yelling had to stop to open the gate. Her eyes weren’t dead like I have seen with abused Chinese kids. They weren’t pleading as I have seen with abused white kids. I actually sensed an understanding, albeit a very dark one, that it wasn’t right but there was no escape.
As an adult white woman I felt an intense responsibility. Whites are hugely and uniquely bad at being bigots and I am no exception. I looked away from the cute little girl first. I felt intense shame for not even attempting to do something. And I have a history of being courageous enough to do that. I ‘ve taken on 3 generations of Chinese for picking on their tiny girl and I will brag with great success.
Chinese aren’t blacks though. Of course I approach people like this with humor and flanking so it’s not as easy for them to get straight up physical with me. Blacks though- this one much older than me black woman made me think- yeah…no. I’m not in the mood to star in a Colin Flaherty video. Although honestly I probs could have taken her because white people like myself have superior sense of focused resources vs. silly windmill rubber arms.
But then all her neighbors would have come out-Nevertheless I walked on with my shame but also thinking why is my people’s perspective never a part of this equation? Being around such a foreign people is incredibly stressful. They want to cry about micro-aggressions when all they seem to do is Macro-Aggress against everyone.