Have I mentioned lately how fun blacks are?

So I was a-walking and listening to my head-phones. But I had to untangle my head-phones or something. I’m not sure the exact reason I had them off in area I really don’t like to have head-phones off.

There was a black woman walking in front of me with a little black girl. At first glance I guessed the girls age to be 11 because she seemed rather tall. At second glance, I guessed 9 because she seemed to have not started to develop at all.

As much as I was making an effort to block the world out, I none the less got a big chocolately-treat of “We wuz Queenz“. The woman let out a big and scary belly voice to the young girl, “Your m******* f****** s****** p******** whining!!!!!!”

girlwithbraids

 I’m not exactly sure what the mother said because it shocked me so much and was so vile and held a physical threat for the high crime of whining.

(The woman who made this video is clearly of the talented tenth. She's very cute and creative and I am sure is a good mother.)

I knew the voice. I have it within me. I think I’ve used it like 3 times. I don’t know for sure. The only time I know for sure, Is when I was leaving my local Bodega and some 6’4″ (cracker) meth-head followed me out and was fussing at me about allegedly stealing some shiny doo-dad that he owned. I had no idea what he was talking about. The very kind owners of the store, that always look out for me, had one of their mega-sized-sons follow him out and seemed very shocked when out of my body came that very animalistic voice bellowing: “You Back the f^ck up Right now!” 

meth

I thought my life was in danger at the time. I have to admit it was kind of fun to see even the store owner’s giant son flinch in surprise at my monster voice. They’re always on about how sweet I am and think I can’t take care of myself.

enrichment

It’s a voice I’ve never used with someone I know. It’s a voice that neither of my parents ever used with me. It’s a voice I’ve never seen my friends parents use with them. I’m not even sure I’ve used it out of that time that Jimmy-Tweaker-Stewart was coming at me.

But this little girl was getting that voice used on her for whining. It’s doubtful that she even did that. Whining. I observed the mother or grandmother, who knows? She was petite and fashionably dressed.  

diversityhell.jpg

If the ever-nurturing amazing vagina-owner had not been so vicious to the child in her care, I wouldn’t have stumbled over my head-phones so much while feeling absolutely sick and confused over what I was witnessing,

The little girl met my eye as they were going into their courtyard and Ms Yelling had to stop to open the gate.  Her eyes weren’t dead like I have seen with abused Chinese kids. They weren’t pleading as I have seen with abused white kids. I actually sensed an understanding, albeit a very dark one, that it wasn’t right but there was no escape.

As an adult white woman I felt an intense responsibility. Whites are hugely and uniquely bad at being bigots and I am no exception. I looked away from the cute little girl first. I felt intense shame for not even attempting to do something. And I have a history of being courageous enough to do that. I ‘ve taken on 3 generations of Chinese for picking on their tiny girl and I will brag with great success. 

Chinese aren’t blacks though. Of course I approach people like this with humor and flanking so it’s not as easy for them to get straight up physical with me. Blacks though- this one much older than me black woman made me think- yeah…no. I’m not in the mood to star in a Colin Flaherty video. Although honestly I probs could have taken her because white people like myself have superior sense of focused resources vs. silly windmill rubber arms.

But then all her neighbors would have come out-Nevertheless I walked on with my shame but also thinking why is my people’s perspective never a part of this equation? Being around such a foreign people is incredibly stressful. They want to cry about micro-aggressions when all they seem to do is Macro-Aggress against everyone.

“I Don’t Want to Have that kind of Wedding”

I kinda of want to say *trigger* warning, that seems kind of lame but, what follows is barbaric at the least.

One of my least favorite topics in the world has to be abortion. I’ve been noticing recently how so often men on the right seem much more comfortable denouncing this than women. When I see this it reminds me of an aspect of men that I see ignored: Men are expected to care about men, women, and children. Female politicians on the other hand tout ‘looking out for women’s interests’ as though that is a unique virtue of theirs and a reason for a person like me to vote for them. 

merkel

I’ve always believed that abortion is a form of murder.This is another reminder that I’m not sure how liberal, outside of nominally, I ever was. The idiotic assertion that a fetus is just a clump of cells never made any sense to me. What is any living creature? We are all clumps of cells. Or that at 6 weeks a fetus is not a person but at 12 weeks it is? That’s some of the strangest (((voodoo))) I’ve ever heard. While I think abortion is one of the most violent acts that can be perpetrated against both women and children, I don’t think it should be criminalized for real reasons I don’t want to go into here but to make a long story short- I don’t think it would be the most effective fight against it.

I’m writing this to expunge a dark liberal memory. How the me of before is different from the me of now. Trying to make sense of how I ever was that person.

vs

In this story I am about to tell, in no way do I want to suggest that this is normal or average. It’s just something that haunts me. I had this ‘friend’ who was determined to be my very good friend. I was fairly acquiescent out of not having enough energy to be arsed to create a social circle that suited me.

goon

Anyway, friend came from a very wealthy family and as luck would have it met a very wealthy and nice man from the other side of the country. He was jewish and I think she may have been too, but that was before I knew jews were different. That being said, that element may not have anything to do with this story. I don’t know.

jewromance

Not only was he jewish though he had a very high status job. Like a dream come true they had a ‘whirlwind‘ romance which in my mind equaled a ‘hair-brained scheme‘ and started making this big noise about how they ‘these two perfections of existencefinally met each other. I was like, “whatever”.  I mean six weeks after they meet they’re engaged and she’s moving to the other side of the country. It was actually a relief to me because she was such a showboat and wanting me to be her sidekick. There were times she was actually very kind to me and I am having guilt now thinking about her uncharitably. She was very annoyingly status orientated though and continuously drawing me into drama and competition with others that I had no interest in.

status

She wanted me to be her maid of honor. She wanted me to make her wedding dress. Despite her immediate relocation, the planning for the wedding was at least a year-long.  She came back for a visit and was describing what she wanted to me. She was artistic and had some sketches. She casually told me she was pregnant and going to have an abortion while she was here. 

bride

It distressed me and I pleaded with her. Why? Why on earth? We can make adjustments… She looked at me cooly and explained that she “didn’t want that kind of wedding“. I  tried to gently argue with her. She knew her mind.

preggo

Sometimes people online tell me they don’t believe my stories. As I relate this one I kind of don’t want to believe it either. It still makes me sick. Sick in the way I feel it send unhappy messages all around my skin and not actually throw up but feel really physically angry about this clown world.

Maybe I just pay attention more than other people or maybe I give people the impression that I won’t judge them? Idk.

I do know I pulled out of the wedding and made some cursory excuse. I didn’t think I was that rude but I still remember having lunch with yet another ‘friend’ at some nightmareishly trendy restaurant in “Upper Valencia” (that’s a joke, kinda) and second friend really took me to task about ‘dirting’ our mutual ‘friend’. Why’d you do it? She liked you so much?” 

hips

I shrugged my shoulders and looked around. I knew I couldn’t tell her it was because bride-friend’s lack of regard for ‘clumps of cells’ like me and you and her made me wildly disgusted and wonder what the point of living as a clump of cells was worth at all. “Feelings aren’t always mutual” I noted as I shoved more salad in my face and met her gaze again. (Christ, maybe I am autistic.)

aspgrill.jpg

In no way do I want to suggest that Bride-friend was the norm. That’s why I believe in keeping abortion legal. I honestly believe the norm is a mom who has three kids or so that can’t feed them all. I freely admit this conclusion of mine is based on my feels.

mom

Despite the phrase,”That’s not the kind of wedding I want” continuing to haunt me and despite my illustrious career of being socially awkward. The older I get the more times I reflect on my lack of popularity and think: I may have been in the dark about many things but at least I respected myself and had good instincts (Not a universal truth but at least occasionally). If anyone thinks she was somehow punished for her vanity, as far as I know that is not the case. She had a status-appropriate child one-year later. 

Kids-Status-Quotes-For-Whatsapp-FAcebook-334x200

All these years later I still live around people who wonder why I “did that to Fake Friend“. I have no desire to be public with her situation in a way that could harm her. I believe more than ever though that if you really care about women; your goal will to be to end feminism. 

 

This is the oft misunderstood song Tupac wrote about feminism. There are some rules that are universal. Tupac was like any person with heart. He hated cultural marxism. He loved his people.  

that is health.

(The jail-bars in the video represent the cultural marxism he hated. He’s laughing at the powers that be because he knew that even after the communists killed him he would fight feminism from beyond the grave. He dog-whistled but we all understood. Tupac was a champion of the people vs. the reptilian. That’s why he’s Obie Wan Kanobining  in real time.)

No Homo and why I lulz at White Sharia Meme

so I had to travel around because the tyranny of money.  Being a natural hermit, I hate that. Luckily I got forced into a *charmingluncheon with a hostile gang of  

boomerwomen

B-o-o-m-e-r                W-o-m-e-n

Terror did ensue.

 

terror

They quickly launched into my ‘edumaction‘ becuz I’m all stupid and not sufficiently enlightened. To be fair to myself, they didn’t know that when they instigated their self-gratifying attack on my psyche. Like with most battle-axes (completely under-utilized and excellent phrase) facts are irrelevant when there is some ego-stroking in public allowed. We very much need to bring back obscenity laws.

assholes.jpg

 

The alpha-shrew was an ‘inspirational speaker‘ who ‘gets along with everyone!‘ I know this because she told me herself, while passionately assailing every single fiber of my personal experience and belief system.

killitwithfire

I was schooled that all men want to beat me. All men want to oppress me. These boomer women alone can free me. I think partially because I come from a long line of engineers I tend to think of things in systems. How different pieces fit together to make a large cohesive way of being. Trying to figure out what part needs repair to make a happiness.

native

So I said to the chief salad spitting “native American” (lady you aren’t native “American” There was no America before anglos founded one. There was just a bunch of savages who didn’t know what a wheel was and spent most of their time starving to death.But who cares? Honestly how nice we were as a conquering nation to provide for you to the extent that there are more ‘Amerindians’ alive now than before the Spanish came? It’s not my fault you can’t adapt to technology!) So I said: Why do you think it is that so many young girls are being trafficked by gangs and so many women are being beat?  Do you think it is due to the absence of fathers that has become so rampant? Do you think it is a lack of a strong male patriarch looking out for his family and children that is the problem? “

not-my-fam

I was asking a sincere question as they professed to have expertise in the horrifying field of children being trafficked for sexual abuse.  

ms13

This did not freak them out.  They tried really hard to educate me about how evil men were. I can only assume they thought I had never heard that trope before. 


whitemenThe thing that was interesting to me was that when I did freak them out it was because I said “Well I was fortunate enough to grow-up in a very homogenous community. I know for a fact that the women in my family and community were not roughly abused and no one would have stood for that. It wasn’t a part of our value system and we were enough alike that real abuse would have been easily detected. I know this is not often the case currently.”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

At this idea they all srsly recoiled in horror. I have to say it was not until I specifically expressed gratitude for ‘homogeny‘ that they did the pull-back and press a hand against their ample bosom move. Of course being born with a side of cheerleader and a side of sperg I couldn’t stop my compulsive self from marching right ahead to my doom: “I’m really grateful for the community I grew-up in and my father’s protection. I know it’s a rarity today and probably the reason so many crimes are committed against children.”

The chubby “native” or as I like to call them “inspirational American” was sputtering about some invented rule of thumb urban legend and didn’t seem to understand how this b1tchy white woman was not getting excited about “muh feminism“. As if I’d never heard that before. I smiled at her. “That sounds awful.” I said nodding. “I am very sorry for those people.” And of course I am. Who wouldn’t be? That was very sincere. “My people are just not like that.”  Because they are not. 

We’re not. We are not. We don’t value violence against women and children. I am sure there are exceptions but there is not and never has been anything normal about that in my people.

 

 I paid my bill and thanked her mid-sentence. I know I am ruining my life and committing all kinds of social faux-pas against the aggrieved masses. Groveling ins’t going to win me any favors though. I’ve seen this game played out often enough. Even though half the nasty boomers were white women they thirsted for the same thing-an arrogant white woman they can be the hero against and horrified by.

betty_gun Not really a problem for me because you will perceive me like that anyway. I’m happy to meet your need. And my people are not like that. My people are not like that. White Sharia doesn’t offend me or scare me a bit. I’ve never had a ‘partner’ whose committed a bigger crime than trying to buy me too much stuff that I don’t need. I’m not materialistic.  I grew up around families where men did their most to care for their children and wives.

whitesharia

 White Sharia would probably end up with me having a lot more female friends to make fun baking stuff with. (Sorry I don’t see the feminine arts as degrading) and getting way more pairs of shoes which boyfriend seems to have an addiction to. (Men like to make their ladies look fancy like their cars. Worse things can happen to you than being spoiled)

baking

My father loved my mother and us in a very powerful way. The idea of having to live without his protection frightens me. He did lose his temper many times. Women and children don’t really understand boundaries though. Personally, I think the meme is funny. Look at the way white men treat dogs. Look at the way Arabs do. It reveals their true nature.

 The normal average white male has no desire to harm their women and children. They sacrifice themselves remarkably for us.

Dads

If someone had tried to traffic me as a little grill there is no doubt in my mind they would have ended with a bullet in their brain. Everyone in town knew not to mess with me as well.  Feminists though say men and homogenous communities are the problem.

whatever, losers gonna lose.