That happened to me today. I was a sittin’ and a workin’ and all of a sudden this memory of a gay man calling me ‘homphobic’ because I thought he was a creep.
The only reason I thought he was a creep is because I have seen him hitting on boys 40 years his junior. Because he brags about his giant jugs of lube (and has pulled them out to show me- I DID NOT ASK) and high partner count. There is a contingent of the gay community (not all. I also know gay men that don’t make their sexual exploits central to getting to know them-although they do tend to make their sexuality central to their identity and it must be constantly brought up)
To be fair to me; I never insulted this guy or told him what I thought. I guess he just picked up on my habitual avoidance of him and his fabulously interesting dildo conversations. That is why he was forced to confront me one night in a big glorious show in front of a sympathetic audience that I am a homphobe! I was so shocked I leaned into him and asked him if he believed I was afraid of him? He didn’t answer but shrank back. Which just made me lean in harder and repeat myself. Of course this is all amplified via optics with our differences in size. He’s a big man and I am not that big of a grill. Then he ran away! F@ggot! Of course I got told (not the first time that because I refused to submit to a bossy homo that people had heard that I had done something homophobic ) FFS!
I srsly got called a ‘homophobe’ by people who have never seen me do anything unkind to a gay person after this b1tchy queen got on my case and I responded: just because you are gay does not mean I have to like you!
How is that not aggressive? How is that not oppressive? I may like you or not like based on the merits of your personality. But I should be your minion because you like it up the pooper? No and I’d rather not know.
So I am working and all of a sudden it occurred to me how ridiculous it would be if I demanded that no matter my behavior another person must like me because I am a cis-het wahmen! My behavior is irrelevant based on the fact that I engage in traditional human-pair bonding. And yet that is what they do to us. I try to be discreet about such an intimate and spiritually vital part of my life. I can’t imagine using it as a cudgel.
I have to like you while you force me to be a part of your sexuality against my will? This is a very rapey form of friendship. No thank you. If you are gay and treat me with the same respect I treat you with, I’m fine about it. It’s none of my business. I would rather not know about your use of your genitals and that gives you no right to bully me.